I've written about the importance of forgiveness quite a few times before but I've realized something; forgiveness is a verb. What I mean by it being a 'verb' is that it is a constant 'doing' that you have to carry out day by day.
Let me explain:
Around this time last year my heart was filled with bitterness, hate, and all things ugly. Around this time last year my life started on what seemed like the biggest downward spiral into self-hate, depression, and a season in which I felt the worst feeling, the feeling of being numb. It was around this time last year that I allowed for un-forgiveness to take root in my heart. Not only did it take root, but I began to harvest its ugly, rotten fruit.
It wasn't until a few weeks before my twentieth birthday did I finally take un-forgiveness out at the twisted root. I handed out forgiveness like Oprah hands out any type of gift. "You get forgiveness!" "You get forgiveness!" "You get forgiveness!" "Everybody gets forgiveness!" It was the most freeing season I have ever walked in.
Maybe a month ago, at our Midweek gathering, one of my pastors preached an amazing message on forgiveness and I thought to myself, "Where was this sermon last year?" Then some things in my heart began to happen, those old bitter feelings began to rise up. Maybe because I was reminiscing on this time last year, or maybe something just triggered an unfriendly memory, but it was as if that twisted, rotten root speared through my heart yet again. "But God," I prayed, "I already forgave them for this. I have already moved past this. Why am I feeling this again?" So there I sat, repeating in my head over and over again, "I forgive you."
Matthew 18:21-22 "Then Peter came to him and asked, 'Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?' 'No, not seven times,' Jesus replied, 'but seventy times seven!'"
I learned last year that it takes way more than saying "I forgive you" to walk in the freedom of forgiveness. Last year I learned that it takes searching ones heart, confronting yourself in why you feel certain feelings, and most importantly, giving your burdens and pains to Christ so that you may willingly and freely do as Christ called us to do.
This year I learned that it is now a battle of my own emotions. That forgiving "seventy times seven" is more for me than for them. Maybe these people aren't doing anything to hurt me, (which honestly, all the people I was so hurt by last year, have been nothing but blessings this year) but for some reason that ugly root wants to remind me of what they did or didn't do and that is why I must continue to walk in the 'doing' of forgiveness. I must continue to search my own heart, confront what is not right in me, and continue to hand all of my burdens and pains to Christ.
Around this time last year I walked burdened with un-forgiveness in my heart. This year I will forgive seventy times seven.
Let me explain:
Around this time last year my heart was filled with bitterness, hate, and all things ugly. Around this time last year my life started on what seemed like the biggest downward spiral into self-hate, depression, and a season in which I felt the worst feeling, the feeling of being numb. It was around this time last year that I allowed for un-forgiveness to take root in my heart. Not only did it take root, but I began to harvest its ugly, rotten fruit.
It wasn't until a few weeks before my twentieth birthday did I finally take un-forgiveness out at the twisted root. I handed out forgiveness like Oprah hands out any type of gift. "You get forgiveness!" "You get forgiveness!" "You get forgiveness!" "Everybody gets forgiveness!" It was the most freeing season I have ever walked in.
Maybe a month ago, at our Midweek gathering, one of my pastors preached an amazing message on forgiveness and I thought to myself, "Where was this sermon last year?" Then some things in my heart began to happen, those old bitter feelings began to rise up. Maybe because I was reminiscing on this time last year, or maybe something just triggered an unfriendly memory, but it was as if that twisted, rotten root speared through my heart yet again. "But God," I prayed, "I already forgave them for this. I have already moved past this. Why am I feeling this again?" So there I sat, repeating in my head over and over again, "I forgive you."
Matthew 18:21-22 "Then Peter came to him and asked, 'Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?' 'No, not seven times,' Jesus replied, 'but seventy times seven!'"
I learned last year that it takes way more than saying "I forgive you" to walk in the freedom of forgiveness. Last year I learned that it takes searching ones heart, confronting yourself in why you feel certain feelings, and most importantly, giving your burdens and pains to Christ so that you may willingly and freely do as Christ called us to do.
This year I learned that it is now a battle of my own emotions. That forgiving "seventy times seven" is more for me than for them. Maybe these people aren't doing anything to hurt me, (which honestly, all the people I was so hurt by last year, have been nothing but blessings this year) but for some reason that ugly root wants to remind me of what they did or didn't do and that is why I must continue to walk in the 'doing' of forgiveness. I must continue to search my own heart, confront what is not right in me, and continue to hand all of my burdens and pains to Christ.
Around this time last year I walked burdened with un-forgiveness in my heart. This year I will forgive seventy times seven.
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