Do you ever drive on the 80 East and literally start sobbing to God begging Him to move in a certain area of your life? Or while walking your dog, do you demand that He hardens your heart towards someone who hurt you? How about when you stare out your window at the big trees that provide privacy and whisper to God, "Why?" Just me? Oh. I think we all come to moments where we push cordialness in our prayers aside and we get real with God. We may scream, cry, or simply just ask God "why?" Why did you bring me here? Why did you let them hurt me? Why have you not allowed me to quit a job I hate? Why have you allowed to happen all that has happened? Why? Why? Why. I will be real, the majority of my prayer life lately has been singing praises to God of the redemptive stories that I have watched take place as of recently, but then I have my mornings, where I break, and I cry, and sometimes I even scream at God. (Let's all also remember I am just overly dramatic)...

Isaiah 28:23-26 "Listen to me; listen, and pay close attention. Does a farmer always plow and never sow? Is he forever cultivating the soil and never planting? Does he not finally plant his seeds- black cumin, cumin, wheat, barley, and emmer wheat- each in its proper way, and each in its proper place? The farmer knows just what to do, for God has given him understanding." I've been dwelling on these verses all day today. The question I asked myself after reading this during my morning devotions was: Am I being faithful with my field? Am I planting the right seeds in the right season? Am I over-watering to where I drown my crop or am I giving it just enough? Am I harvesting too early or reaping at just the right time? Have I neglected my field all together? What do I mean by all of this? I mean that in every aspect of our life; ministry, work, relationships, etc. we sow seeds. Each category of our life is a field that we must tend to. Are we actually progress...

I have been keeping up, not so consistently, with this blog for a little over two years now. I look back to the naive 18 year old that first began school at Paul Mitchell, living in her dream city, and I think about who she was and where she was at in her life and in her faith and I think, if only she knew then what I know now. Two years is really not a lot of time and I am barely turning 21 and still have my entire life ahead of me, but I sit here and think just how amazing this journey has been so far. Each and every blog post I write is inspired by a lesson I am learning in that exact moment. I have no fear when it comes to my writing, in fact, I can pour my entire heart out in little black letters on a screen with no hesitation. That being said, I was thinking back to previous posts and thinking back to specific moments or trials that inspired my words and I realized that through each lesson I was learning there was one big underlying message that was right in front of my face un...

If I had a dollar for every time I "surrendered" everything to Christ, I'd be able to quit my restaurant job and pay rent with that money.  That's a funny, yet oddly sad, way of starting this post. I know. But it's the truth. If you have any personal relationship with me, you might know that I journal almost every single one of my prayers. I think the only time I audibly say a prayer is when I ask for forgiveness for what I yelled at the drivers in Sacramento.  My first prayer journal was a blue camo journal with three loops on the front to hold pens. I was living in Texas at the time and my dad took us all to the Christian book store to pick out our very own prayer journals. He taught us that this was a great way to always see how God works in each of our lives. I think I filled every page with a plea for us to move back to California and I will say, it worked!  I have been journaling ever since.  As of lately, my biggest desire in my heart has bee...

Hi friends! Long time, no write. I know, I know. Typical millennial not sticking to what she creates. But let me catch you up to speed on what's been going on. *narrator's voice* "Last time on Life with Jessica..." I was living a cozy life in my top floor apartment in Hollywood, CA. I was running the social media for my church, starting up ministry school, and waiting tables. I was living paycheck to paycheck and loving life while questioning it all at the same time. I was in the world Jessica had always dreamed up for herself, but I was in my wilderness. I thought in that moment LA was my final destination and the stagnant state I was in was a funk I was going to have to get over and that somehow someway I'd feel like I was thriving again. But God did something in me this past Summer. I got to a point where I realized I was the lid to the ministry I was running, I couldn't expand the ministry any further and that He was making me uncomfortable with where ...

Last night I felt chaos. In the morning I felt joy. On the 405 freeway I felt peace. In the waiting room I feel chaos. How easy it can be to question what God promised the second we have to wait. All yesterday I prayed and prayed and at the end of the night I gave the situation to God. I woke up knowing who was in control and holding on to His promise that He is going to take over. Then I have to sit in a hospital waiting room for more than fifteen minutes and all of a sudden that assured faith I had in Him, is questioned. "God but what if?" "But God did you really say that?" "Okay but God, if you said that, why isn't it happening now?"  Sitting in my own questions I realized that the true reflection of my heart is how I respond in the waiting room. The answer could come within seconds or within hours, but where is my heart despite the timeline of when my answer is coming? In all honesty my heart is falling back into the chaos it was ...

So far this new season in my life has been the best season I've walked in. But it has also been the most stressful and questionable. Why? Because of myself. Because of my self-doubts and my lack of trust. I am thriving but my finances are not and I find that most of my prayer time lately has been me reminding God of when my bills are due, how much they are, how much the late fees are, etc. It is as if I am reminding God of a deadline I have put on Him. I sit there and think of ways He could move in my life. "God, if you speak to this person.." "God, if you do this thing at this time.." "Hey God, just reminding you that this bill is coming up and if you do this at this time I could pay it.." You see, God has told me to do one thing: sit still. But the control freak that I am decides to figure everything out for Him. Isaiah 40:14 "Has the Lord ever needed anyone's advice? Does he need instruction about what is good? Did someone teach him wha...