So far this new season in my life has been the best season I've walked in. But it has also been the most stressful and questionable. Why? Because of myself. Because of my self-doubts and my lack of trust. I am thriving but my finances are not and I find that most of my prayer time lately has been me reminding God of when my bills are due, how much they are, how much the late fees are, etc. It is as if I am reminding God of a deadline I have put on Him. I sit there and think of ways He could move in my life. "God, if you speak to this person.." "God, if you do this thing at this time.." "Hey God, just reminding you that this bill is coming up and if you do this at this time I could pay it.." You see, God has told me to do one thing: sit still. But the control freak that I am decides to figure everything out for Him. Isaiah 40:14 "Has the Lord ever needed anyone's advice? Does he need instruction about what is good? Did someone teach him wha...

If I happened to be on a date (holla) or I was in a job interview and I was asked, "What is one thing you are really good at?" I would respond with "stressing", at least, thats what I have been really good at in this past season. This past season has been a tough season as I navigate through moving from my dream city, L.A., and moving up to a place that was no where near ever being on my radar, Sacramento. The very fact that I am even moving out of L.A. means God really  was speaking to me. If you know me, there is nothing I want more in my life than to walk out in obedience daily . But walking out in obedience is hard. Especially when you work a part time job, finally feel fully connected in your church, signed a year lease on your apartment, and finally felt that you were right where you were supposed to be in life.  Well, I was right where I  felt I was supposed to be in life. Let me paint you my picture: 20 year old girl who dreamed of living in L.A. sinc...

Let me ask you a question: If where you are currently at is exactly where God called you to be for the rest of your life, how would you respond? This question was brought up during a venting session I had with two of my closest friends. I have been thinking about it over and over again. How would I respond? I'll be honest, most days my response is frustration. When I have served at what I considered to be the "bottom" I was constantly looking to my next season. I was constantly praying and hoping for God to elevate me out of where I currently was. I wonder how many opportunities to serve Christ I missed out on because I was always looking left or right for what I wanted as opposed to looking straight ahead to what He was doing. Matthew 25:29  "To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away." That brings me to another question: ...

Life hasn't been going my way lately and I've noticed something about myself when life doesn't go my way: I throw a fit. I am 20 years old and I will throw a fit to God when He doesn't do things my  way. Just the other day something didn't go my way and I felt God say, "I can't work in the 'woe is me.'" I've been wrestling with that thought for a few days. What does that even mean? The 'woe is me' Situations come up in our lives in which we sit for hours, days, even weeks in prayer over what is to come. We sit in hope, sometimes imagining how our lives will change when the outcome goes our way. We say that prayer, "God your will, not mine," but in our minds we are praying, "God may your will match up with my will." Then, God's will happens, and it wasn't our will, and now we are sulking. "Why God?" "Why didn't you let it go my way?" "But God I thought you had spoken to m...

I've written about the importance of forgiveness quite a few times before but I've realized something; forgiveness is a verb. What I mean by it being a 'verb' is that it is a constant 'doing' that you have to carry out day by day. Let me explain: Around this time last year my heart was filled with bitterness, hate, and all things ugly. Around this time last year my life started on what seemed like the biggest downward spiral into self-hate, depression, and a season in which I felt the worst feeling, the feeling of being numb. It was around this time last year that I allowed for un-forgiveness to take root in my heart. Not only did it take root, but I began to harvest its ugly, rotten fruit. It wasn't until a few weeks before my twentieth birthday did I finally take un-forgiveness out at the twisted root. I handed out forgiveness like Oprah hands out any type of gift. "You get forgiveness!" "You get forgiveness!" "You get forgiv...

"Intercede until God intervenes." My friend and worship pastor had put that quote on her Instagram and when I saw it, it rocked me. I read that quote in a time that I really needed to be challenged in my prayer life. I turned that sentence over and over again in my head, and to this day, I've let it stick with me. Let me explain: If you have been following my blog for some time, you might have read my "Dear Brother" post. If not, I'll post the link at the end of this blog. Let me sum it up real quick: My oldest brother expressed in his own blog some deep struggles he was dealing with and I responded in the best way I could. My heart broke for my brother. I called my sister crying and we both brainstormed on what we  could do to fix the "problem". Quickly I realized it was not up to me to be the savior. My words would do little to nothing, so I prayed. Every time I called out to God, whether it was every day or every other day, my older brothe...

Today I drove by Pepperdine University and instantly felt a wave of emotions. As I could barely see students walking to their cars and as I admired the beautiful campus on the hill, I thought to myself, "Why isn't that me?" If you know me at all, you know that college was never  on my radar. I didn't take my SAT's and I didn't dream of or apply to any schools. I have always known that college wasn't for me. But, why then do I sometimes find myself coveting the college life? Because I don't have it. From the outside looking in, I see routine, stability, cute dorm rooms, a large pool of potential husbands in one enclosed area, opportunity for friendships with people who are in the same spot of life as you, and the exact opposite of the life I'm living. But here is what I had to remind myself as these thoughts swarmed me while I drove down the Malibu Canyon: My life is MY  life. What I mean is, when Christ was planning my life before my ...