Today I drove by Pepperdine University and instantly felt a wave of emotions. As I could barely see students walking to their cars and as I admired the beautiful campus on the hill, I thought to myself,
"Why isn't that me?"
If you know me at all, you know that college was never on my radar. I didn't take my SAT's and I didn't dream of or apply to any schools. I have always known that college wasn't for me. But, why then do I sometimes find myself coveting the college life?
Because I don't have it.
From the outside looking in, I see routine, stability, cute dorm rooms, a large pool of potential husbands in one enclosed area, opportunity for friendships with people who are in the same spot of life as you, and the exact opposite of the life I'm living.
But here is what I had to remind myself as these thoughts swarmed me while I drove down the Malibu Canyon:
My life is MY life.
What I mean is, when Christ was planning my life before my parents even planned me, He planned for my life to be unpredictable, my schedule to be inconsistent, my husband searching to be harder, and He planned for me to walk into a life of full time ministry- which is not even the life I planned.
And I truly love it.
But why do I covet college life?
Because I only see the cute dorm rooms, the constant college events with old and new sets of friends, the beautiful campuses, and all the cute guys...
But what I don't see is the all night studying, the yearly collection of student debt with more zeros than I have ever seen in my life, I don't see the struggles of sharing a small space with three people, or sharing a bathroom with a whole floor of people, I don't see the mediocre cafeteria food that makes you cry out for a homemade meal, and I don't see the hectic class schedule that will hardly allow for a part time job.
What I see is the "College Highlight Reel" which, compared to my behind the scenes somedays, that highlight reel makes me sick with jealousy.
But that's life.
Not everyone will see our behind the scenes.
Not everyone will see the tears we shed.
Not everyone will see the sleepless nights filled with crippling anxiety.
Not everyone will hear the hard conversations we had to have.
Not everyone will see the bills compared to our bank accounts and see that the numbers don't add up.
Not everyone will see our behind the scenes.
I guess what I am wanting to say is that even on your hardest days, those days where you question every step you've ever taken because it all seems wrong, love your life. Because your life is your life. Christ made it for only you and no one else. Those other lives you are coveting? I guarantee if you take one glance at their behind the scenes, you'll go running as fast as you can.
Psalm 139:16 "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
"Why isn't that me?"
If you know me at all, you know that college was never on my radar. I didn't take my SAT's and I didn't dream of or apply to any schools. I have always known that college wasn't for me. But, why then do I sometimes find myself coveting the college life?
Because I don't have it.
From the outside looking in, I see routine, stability, cute dorm rooms, a large pool of potential husbands in one enclosed area, opportunity for friendships with people who are in the same spot of life as you, and the exact opposite of the life I'm living.
But here is what I had to remind myself as these thoughts swarmed me while I drove down the Malibu Canyon:
My life is MY life.
What I mean is, when Christ was planning my life before my parents even planned me, He planned for my life to be unpredictable, my schedule to be inconsistent, my husband searching to be harder, and He planned for me to walk into a life of full time ministry- which is not even the life I planned.
And I truly love it.
But why do I covet college life?
Because I only see the cute dorm rooms, the constant college events with old and new sets of friends, the beautiful campuses, and all the cute guys...
But what I don't see is the all night studying, the yearly collection of student debt with more zeros than I have ever seen in my life, I don't see the struggles of sharing a small space with three people, or sharing a bathroom with a whole floor of people, I don't see the mediocre cafeteria food that makes you cry out for a homemade meal, and I don't see the hectic class schedule that will hardly allow for a part time job.
What I see is the "College Highlight Reel" which, compared to my behind the scenes somedays, that highlight reel makes me sick with jealousy.
But that's life.
Not everyone will see our behind the scenes.
Not everyone will see the tears we shed.
Not everyone will see the sleepless nights filled with crippling anxiety.
Not everyone will hear the hard conversations we had to have.
Not everyone will see the bills compared to our bank accounts and see that the numbers don't add up.
Not everyone will see our behind the scenes.
I guess what I am wanting to say is that even on your hardest days, those days where you question every step you've ever taken because it all seems wrong, love your life. Because your life is your life. Christ made it for only you and no one else. Those other lives you are coveting? I guarantee if you take one glance at their behind the scenes, you'll go running as fast as you can.
Psalm 139:16 "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
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