I think the quickest advice anyone ever gives when it comes to relationships- whether it be friendships, dating relationships, or business partnerships- is to "guard your heart". If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to "guard my heart" I would have enough money to hire Kylie Jenner's very attractive personal body guard. I get it.. Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." The problem with hearing "guard your heart" over and over again- no one told me what that meant so I began to interpret it as "build walls." I don't blame anyone for how I interpreted their advice but I feel as though many of us have begun to interpret protecting our heart as building walls up.
So, what does it really mean to guard your heart- and how do we do it?
Guard: (v) watch over in order to protect or control
Okay- I think most of us know what "guard" means - but it's pretty point blank. We are to "watch over" our heart. A guard anywhere- whether it be the White House or a prison- does not stand outside of the room denying access to everyone. No, the guard is trained to know who is allowed access into the room, who will bring destruction and what everyone's purpose for being there is.
So-
Don't deny access to everyone.
Or simply stated- don't build walls to keep everyone out.
Typically- we begin to build walls due to someone hurting us in the past. 2018 was a year of deep healing for me. For a long part of my life I tried doing things on my own. Over the summer I began to realize the people I kept closest to me knew NOTHING about me. I started opening up to my best friend and a few mentors and I would start the conversation with- "I realized I don't really let people in." To which I would get a laugh-filled, sarcastic comment back of "No way! You? Noooo." I am very thankful for those who were patient with me during my "wall building" season. Once I started letting people in- how my entire life shifted. I was hurting myself more by keeping everyone out. If I continued on this path of denying access to everyone- I wouldn't have the precious moments of a friend praying me out of my depression, I wouldn't have mentors to run to during relationship crisis', I would continue to try to carry everyone while carrying the weight of myself. Denying access to everyone only ended up hurting me- in times of crisis and in times of joy. I had no one to celebrate with and no one to mourn with.
The truth is- we are meant to have people walking through life with us- Galatians 6:2 "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Be a trained guard.
How? How do I train myself as the guard of my heart?
Well- what should we allow in to our heart?
Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
What should we not allow into our heart?
Galatians 5:19-21 " The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God."
So- train yourself to see what is meant to be in your heart and what is not meant to be in your heart. Dive deeper into the Word- for there are SO many more verses I could have used to show what is good and of God and what shouldn't be given access to our heart. I could go into what should even be ruling our hearts (ahem Exodus 20:3 “You shall have no other gods before me.") If something is trying to enter your heart that is opposite of what the Lord has declared to be in your heart- such as if something is robbing your peace or purity- I think that's what we don't let in- but if someone is trying to enter our lives to bring correction in love, to push us to healing and holiness- I think that is something that we can let in.
Know the purpose for what you let in.
For everything there is a purpose. The Lord does nothing in vain- Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.." Why am I letting this relationship into my heart? Is this relationship an "iron sharpens iron", is this a mentorship, or is this draining and toxic? Is this to feed my Spirit or to feed my flesh? Is this to bring glory to God's name or glory to my name? And these are just a few "reflective" questions we can begin to ask and pray on.
The best way to know- or discern- the purpose of what you let in is to submit it to the Lord. Every relationship, every decision, every business partnership and even mentorship- Job 22:21-22 "Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you. Accept instruction from his mouth and lay up his words in your heart."
So yes- guard your heart because "everything you do flows from it".
And- if we continue with Proverbs 4-
Proverbs 4:25-27 "Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."
We guard our hearts so we may remain on the path that the Lord set out for us, but if we build walls- how can we ever expect to carry on this path when we are shutting out people who have walked before us and can know what may lie ahead? Or how can we carry on when we don't allow anyone to carry us to the cross when we are to weary and weak to carry ourselves?
I guess what I am praying for you is- don't be afraid to let others in. Don't allow the pains of the past to cause you to miss out on your destiny for today. I pray you can find healing and tear down the walls but grow in wisdom and understanding of what we should let in to our hearts.
So yes- guard your heart, but please, don't build walls.
So, what does it really mean to guard your heart- and how do we do it?
Guard: (v) watch over in order to protect or control
Okay- I think most of us know what "guard" means - but it's pretty point blank. We are to "watch over" our heart. A guard anywhere- whether it be the White House or a prison- does not stand outside of the room denying access to everyone. No, the guard is trained to know who is allowed access into the room, who will bring destruction and what everyone's purpose for being there is.
So-
Don't deny access to everyone.
Or simply stated- don't build walls to keep everyone out.
Typically- we begin to build walls due to someone hurting us in the past. 2018 was a year of deep healing for me. For a long part of my life I tried doing things on my own. Over the summer I began to realize the people I kept closest to me knew NOTHING about me. I started opening up to my best friend and a few mentors and I would start the conversation with- "I realized I don't really let people in." To which I would get a laugh-filled, sarcastic comment back of "No way! You? Noooo." I am very thankful for those who were patient with me during my "wall building" season. Once I started letting people in- how my entire life shifted. I was hurting myself more by keeping everyone out. If I continued on this path of denying access to everyone- I wouldn't have the precious moments of a friend praying me out of my depression, I wouldn't have mentors to run to during relationship crisis', I would continue to try to carry everyone while carrying the weight of myself. Denying access to everyone only ended up hurting me- in times of crisis and in times of joy. I had no one to celebrate with and no one to mourn with.
The truth is- we are meant to have people walking through life with us- Galatians 6:2 "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Be a trained guard.
How? How do I train myself as the guard of my heart?
Well- what should we allow in to our heart?
Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
What should we not allow into our heart?
Galatians 5:19-21 " The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God."
So- train yourself to see what is meant to be in your heart and what is not meant to be in your heart. Dive deeper into the Word- for there are SO many more verses I could have used to show what is good and of God and what shouldn't be given access to our heart. I could go into what should even be ruling our hearts (ahem Exodus 20:3 “You shall have no other gods before me.") If something is trying to enter your heart that is opposite of what the Lord has declared to be in your heart- such as if something is robbing your peace or purity- I think that's what we don't let in- but if someone is trying to enter our lives to bring correction in love, to push us to healing and holiness- I think that is something that we can let in.
Know the purpose for what you let in.
For everything there is a purpose. The Lord does nothing in vain- Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.." Why am I letting this relationship into my heart? Is this relationship an "iron sharpens iron", is this a mentorship, or is this draining and toxic? Is this to feed my Spirit or to feed my flesh? Is this to bring glory to God's name or glory to my name? And these are just a few "reflective" questions we can begin to ask and pray on.
The best way to know- or discern- the purpose of what you let in is to submit it to the Lord. Every relationship, every decision, every business partnership and even mentorship- Job 22:21-22 "Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you. Accept instruction from his mouth and lay up his words in your heart."
So yes- guard your heart because "everything you do flows from it".
And- if we continue with Proverbs 4-
Proverbs 4:25-27 "Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."
We guard our hearts so we may remain on the path that the Lord set out for us, but if we build walls- how can we ever expect to carry on this path when we are shutting out people who have walked before us and can know what may lie ahead? Or how can we carry on when we don't allow anyone to carry us to the cross when we are to weary and weak to carry ourselves?
I guess what I am praying for you is- don't be afraid to let others in. Don't allow the pains of the past to cause you to miss out on your destiny for today. I pray you can find healing and tear down the walls but grow in wisdom and understanding of what we should let in to our hearts.
So yes- guard your heart, but please, don't build walls.
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