Stop telling me that the reason I'm single is because guys are intimidated by me.
That's not a comforting thought. Let me explain why:
I've had two recent failed relationships. The first was simply God calling us in two different directions, the second, well, the second caused me not only the loss of a friend of 5 years and the relationship itself, but it also caused me a lot of pain that I'm still trying to maneuver through.
So, if guys are so intimidated by me, and only the right guy will come along, how come the last guy shattered my heart? And the last guy shattered my self-esteem?
If the right guys are so intimidated by me, then why are the wrong guys not?
After my last little messy attempt at a relationship, I decided to spend the rest of 2016 single. That was only for about a couple of months, which for a boy-crazed, needy, nineteen year old, that's pretty difficult. I didn't just want to be single in the sense of not tying myself down to one guy, rather I wanted to take time away from all guys to really search my own heart and discover more of myself and more of who God wants me to be. I wanted to understand more of the path God wants me to take before I allowed the next (and hopefully last) guy to come along on my journey.
What I found:
I'm a catch. No, really! That's not me being conceited, that is me just simply understanding my worth. I am such a catch that I don't have time to be cheated on, lied to, torn down, messed with, and I just simply don't have any time to deal with boys. (There is a difference between boys and men. Momma wants a M A N. Ew. I just referred to myself as "momma"... alright moving on.)
Disclaimer: Ladies. If you have a boy that has cheated on you, do not, I repeat, DO NOT go back to him. I don't care if you "love him" because, no matter what he says, he does not love you. Can he grow up and change his ways? Yes, I do believe it's totally possible with Christ, but not with you. If you allowed to overlook him taking advantage of you once, he will do it again. His "I'm sorry" isn't an "I won't do it again" it's an "I'm sorry I got caught". You deserve MUCH more than someone to take advantage of you like that. And yes, you will find someone else. He's not the last guy on earth, and if he was, and he cheated on you, you still better not go back to him. ALSO FELLA'S SAME FOR YOU. NOBODY DESERVES TO BE CHEATED ON.
End rant.
Moving on.
I am a daughter of Christ. Alright, I knew this already, but I didn't understand the extent of what it really means to be a daughter of Christ until just recently.
Proverbs 31:25-31 "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring praise at the city gate."
To some that have been raised in the church, you might be thinking "Of course she used the Proverbs 31 woman." YES I DID. This is a beautiful passage that I want to set my own character after.
But why do I want to better myself? Not for any guy in my life, not for any friend or person, but rather for my God and myself. At the end of the day, I want to look in the mirror and be proud of who I am becoming. With every action, decision, words I speak, I want God to be proud of me.
I don't see that as something to be intimidated by. I believe any decent man will be looking for such qualities in a woman.
So what do you say to the single girl who is frustrated that guys aren't falling at her feet, sliding into her DMs on the daily, basically begging her to be theirs, because yes, I get frustrated that I have watched that happen to my old best friend for years, yet that never happened to me. So what do you say?
Tell me that God is holding off on the guy for me so that He can work on me and my life before someone joins my journey. I'd much rather be reminded that God is doing behind the scenes work rather than be constantly told that my desire to be more Christ-like is scaring guys away.
As my sisters in Christ, whether you're a mentor, friend, leader, or anyone, I want to constantly be pointed back to Christ. Most days I am going to fall short on who I want to be, I will get impatient and discouraged but no matter what I'm complaining to you about, more than anything, I would love for you to point me and all other frustrated single women (and men) back to Christ.
That's not a comforting thought. Let me explain why:
I've had two recent failed relationships. The first was simply God calling us in two different directions, the second, well, the second caused me not only the loss of a friend of 5 years and the relationship itself, but it also caused me a lot of pain that I'm still trying to maneuver through.
So, if guys are so intimidated by me, and only the right guy will come along, how come the last guy shattered my heart? And the last guy shattered my self-esteem?
If the right guys are so intimidated by me, then why are the wrong guys not?
After my last little messy attempt at a relationship, I decided to spend the rest of 2016 single. That was only for about a couple of months, which for a boy-crazed, needy, nineteen year old, that's pretty difficult. I didn't just want to be single in the sense of not tying myself down to one guy, rather I wanted to take time away from all guys to really search my own heart and discover more of myself and more of who God wants me to be. I wanted to understand more of the path God wants me to take before I allowed the next (and hopefully last) guy to come along on my journey.
What I found:
I'm a catch. No, really! That's not me being conceited, that is me just simply understanding my worth. I am such a catch that I don't have time to be cheated on, lied to, torn down, messed with, and I just simply don't have any time to deal with boys. (There is a difference between boys and men. Momma wants a M A N. Ew. I just referred to myself as "momma"... alright moving on.)
Disclaimer: Ladies. If you have a boy that has cheated on you, do not, I repeat, DO NOT go back to him. I don't care if you "love him" because, no matter what he says, he does not love you. Can he grow up and change his ways? Yes, I do believe it's totally possible with Christ, but not with you. If you allowed to overlook him taking advantage of you once, he will do it again. His "I'm sorry" isn't an "I won't do it again" it's an "I'm sorry I got caught". You deserve MUCH more than someone to take advantage of you like that. And yes, you will find someone else. He's not the last guy on earth, and if he was, and he cheated on you, you still better not go back to him. ALSO FELLA'S SAME FOR YOU. NOBODY DESERVES TO BE CHEATED ON.
End rant.
Moving on.
I am a daughter of Christ. Alright, I knew this already, but I didn't understand the extent of what it really means to be a daughter of Christ until just recently.
Proverbs 31:25-31 "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring praise at the city gate."
To some that have been raised in the church, you might be thinking "Of course she used the Proverbs 31 woman." YES I DID. This is a beautiful passage that I want to set my own character after.
But why do I want to better myself? Not for any guy in my life, not for any friend or person, but rather for my God and myself. At the end of the day, I want to look in the mirror and be proud of who I am becoming. With every action, decision, words I speak, I want God to be proud of me.
I don't see that as something to be intimidated by. I believe any decent man will be looking for such qualities in a woman.
So what do you say to the single girl who is frustrated that guys aren't falling at her feet, sliding into her DMs on the daily, basically begging her to be theirs, because yes, I get frustrated that I have watched that happen to my old best friend for years, yet that never happened to me. So what do you say?
Tell me that God is holding off on the guy for me so that He can work on me and my life before someone joins my journey. I'd much rather be reminded that God is doing behind the scenes work rather than be constantly told that my desire to be more Christ-like is scaring guys away.
As my sisters in Christ, whether you're a mentor, friend, leader, or anyone, I want to constantly be pointed back to Christ. Most days I am going to fall short on who I want to be, I will get impatient and discouraged but no matter what I'm complaining to you about, more than anything, I would love for you to point me and all other frustrated single women (and men) back to Christ.
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