If I had a dollar for every time I "surrendered" everything to Christ, I'd be able to quit my restaurant job and pay rent with that money.  That's a funny, yet oddly sad, way of starting this post. I know. But it's the truth. If you have any personal relationship with me, you might know that I journal almost every single one of my prayers. I think the only time I audibly say a prayer is when I ask for forgiveness for what I yelled at the drivers in Sacramento.  My first prayer journal was a blue camo journal with three loops on the front to hold pens. I was living in Texas at the time and my dad took us all to the Christian book store to pick out our very own prayer journals. He taught us that this was a great way to always see how God works in each of our lives. I think I filled every page with a plea for us to move back to California and I will say, it worked!  I have been journaling ever since.  As of lately, my biggest desire in my heart has bee...

Hi friends! Long time, no write. I know, I know. Typical millennial not sticking to what she creates. But let me catch you up to speed on what's been going on. *narrator's voice* "Last time on Life with Jessica..." I was living a cozy life in my top floor apartment in Hollywood, CA. I was running the social media for my church, starting up ministry school, and waiting tables. I was living paycheck to paycheck and loving life while questioning it all at the same time. I was in the world Jessica had always dreamed up for herself, but I was in my wilderness. I thought in that moment LA was my final destination and the stagnant state I was in was a funk I was going to have to get over and that somehow someway I'd feel like I was thriving again. But God did something in me this past Summer. I got to a point where I realized I was the lid to the ministry I was running, I couldn't expand the ministry any further and that He was making me uncomfortable with where ...

Last night I felt chaos. In the morning I felt joy. On the 405 freeway I felt peace. In the waiting room I feel chaos. How easy it can be to question what God promised the second we have to wait. All yesterday I prayed and prayed and at the end of the night I gave the situation to God. I woke up knowing who was in control and holding on to His promise that He is going to take over. Then I have to sit in a hospital waiting room for more than fifteen minutes and all of a sudden that assured faith I had in Him, is questioned. "God but what if?" "But God did you really say that?" "Okay but God, if you said that, why isn't it happening now?"  Sitting in my own questions I realized that the true reflection of my heart is how I respond in the waiting room. The answer could come within seconds or within hours, but where is my heart despite the timeline of when my answer is coming? In all honesty my heart is falling back into the chaos it was ...

So far this new season in my life has been the best season I've walked in. But it has also been the most stressful and questionable. Why? Because of myself. Because of my self-doubts and my lack of trust. I am thriving but my finances are not and I find that most of my prayer time lately has been me reminding God of when my bills are due, how much they are, how much the late fees are, etc. It is as if I am reminding God of a deadline I have put on Him. I sit there and think of ways He could move in my life. "God, if you speak to this person.." "God, if you do this thing at this time.." "Hey God, just reminding you that this bill is coming up and if you do this at this time I could pay it.." You see, God has told me to do one thing: sit still. But the control freak that I am decides to figure everything out for Him. Isaiah 40:14 "Has the Lord ever needed anyone's advice? Does he need instruction about what is good? Did someone teach him wha...

If I happened to be on a date (holla) or I was in a job interview and I was asked, "What is one thing you are really good at?" I would respond with "stressing", at least, thats what I have been really good at in this past season. This past season has been a tough season as I navigate through moving from my dream city, L.A., and moving up to a place that was no where near ever being on my radar, Sacramento. The very fact that I am even moving out of L.A. means God really  was speaking to me. If you know me, there is nothing I want more in my life than to walk out in obedience daily . But walking out in obedience is hard. Especially when you work a part time job, finally feel fully connected in your church, signed a year lease on your apartment, and finally felt that you were right where you were supposed to be in life.  Well, I was right where I  felt I was supposed to be in life. Let me paint you my picture: 20 year old girl who dreamed of living in L.A. sinc...

Let me ask you a question: If where you are currently at is exactly where God called you to be for the rest of your life, how would you respond? This question was brought up during a venting session I had with two of my closest friends. I have been thinking about it over and over again. How would I respond? I'll be honest, most days my response is frustration. When I have served at what I considered to be the "bottom" I was constantly looking to my next season. I was constantly praying and hoping for God to elevate me out of where I currently was. I wonder how many opportunities to serve Christ I missed out on because I was always looking left or right for what I wanted as opposed to looking straight ahead to what He was doing. Matthew 25:29  "To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away." That brings me to another question: ...

Life hasn't been going my way lately and I've noticed something about myself when life doesn't go my way: I throw a fit. I am 20 years old and I will throw a fit to God when He doesn't do things my  way. Just the other day something didn't go my way and I felt God say, "I can't work in the 'woe is me.'" I've been wrestling with that thought for a few days. What does that even mean? The 'woe is me' Situations come up in our lives in which we sit for hours, days, even weeks in prayer over what is to come. We sit in hope, sometimes imagining how our lives will change when the outcome goes our way. We say that prayer, "God your will, not mine," but in our minds we are praying, "God may your will match up with my will." Then, God's will happens, and it wasn't our will, and now we are sulking. "Why God?" "Why didn't you let it go my way?" "But God I thought you had spoken to m...