"I really feel like this year[2016] is really about, like, the year of just realizing stuff. And everyone around me, we're all just, like, realizing things." -Kylie Jenner 2015 You're not wrong, Kylie. I sure did realize a lot this year. In 2016 I feel like I went to hell and back. Telling me to look on the positive will not change the fact that my 2016 was a  bad year.  In fact, I actually want to focus on all the negative of my past year. Why? Because it was in those moments I learned my greatest lessons. Don't get me wrong I did have some pretty great moments in 2016. I made it a year in LA, realizing this city is my home. I found a family in my church, got promoted in my job, and bought my own car all. by. myself. I am ending my year lost, hurt, and so very excited because there's only up from here. MY 2016 My two year relationship ended: I learned to listen to God's voice even when it hurts the most. No matter how much I disagree or hurt, His way end...

 Stop telling me that the reason I'm single is because guys are intimidated by me.  That's not a comforting thought. Let me explain why:   I've had two recent failed relationships. The first was simply God calling us in two different directions, the second, well, the second caused me not only the loss of a friend of 5 years and the relationship itself, but it also caused me a lot of pain that I'm still trying to maneuver through.   So, if guys are so intimidated by me, and only the right guy will come along, how come the last guy shattered my heart? And the last guy shattered my self-esteem?   If the right guys are so intimidated by me, then why are the wrong guys not?   After my last little messy attempt at a relationship, I decided to spend the rest of 2016 single. That was only for about a couple of months, which for a boy-crazed, needy, nineteen year old, that's pretty difficult. I didn't just want to be single in the sense of not tying myself...

"I never knew Christians could be so good, but so miserable at the same time." I had someone express this to me as they told me of their overly-strict upbringing. My heart broke that somewhere in his life, that is what the church allowed him to see. When I talk of my faith and my convictions with people so many times the conversation of the "can't do's" comes up. "So, you can't get drunk?" "So, you can't watch horror movies?" "So, you can't wear ripped jeans to church?" "So, you can't have piercings or tattoos?" or when I dyed my long blonde hair bright pink I got the question: "Your dad allowed that?!" So from that pierced, ripped jean wearing, crazy cut/colored hair girl that has watched horror movies in her life, wants tattoos, and whose dad was a pastor for 30+ years, I have felt more freedom walking with Christ than I have felt walking away from Him.  No, I don't get drunk.  Will I dr...

My heart has always broken for those who think that their sins are unforgivable. I've thought, "How can someone think that the all powerful God can not do something such as forgiving sins?" And then someone said, "It's not so much that He can't,  it's that He won't ." It's funny how we have the mindset of, "My sin isn't that  bad compared to this person", so we can justify and continue to walk in the sin that we know is wrong but when we are given an opportunity to find forgiveness, all of a sudden our sin this the worst thing in the entire world.  I'm trying to think of the concept of God's forgiveness from an outside perspective. Why wouldn't God forgive my sins?  1) What I have done is so much worse than what others have done.   -Alright, let me start with this: my pastor of 6 years is an ex cocaine addict.   -Jesus hung on the cross betrayed and beaten and told a criminal , who was rightfully on the cross next to...

Josiah, this one is for you. It took me a moment to pause from my crazy, busy life to read your latest blogs, but I finally did. (For all my other readers I will post his links at the end of this blog. That way it forces you to read all the way through.)  I had just finished writing two blog posts of my own when I had paused to read yours before I uploaded my own.  My two posts were light and fluffy compared to yours. Dear brother, you have challenged me. In all honesty, I had to look up a lot of words in your blogs, you are far smarter than I am, and brother you have seven years of life on me so my post may come as an embarrassment. But dear brother, this is for you. We have been raised in the same faith and, though you and I were never really close, I've always found us incredibly similar. *Readers: This may very well be my longest post to date but please read through. Josiah I would like to respond to a few things from your last two blogs. Your existential crisis . In all h...

  Throughout this week I've really been trying to search my heart and I've found two things: 1). I found a lot of veins and blood and such... 2) I found that I allow fear to dictate my actions.   Why don't I ever approach guys I find attractive? I am afraid of rejection.   Why do I turn down almost all men's cuts/pixie cuts? I am afraid of messing up.   Why don't I turn right on red lights? I am afraid of getting in a car accident.   What I have noticed when I allow my fears to dictate my actions is that I remain single, I don't learn or better my skills as a hairstylist, and I get honked at. In summary, my life does not move forward.   This morning on my way to school I prayed, "God, allow me to no longer walk in fear." Today I got a pixie cut client and, for everybody's information, it looked pretty gosh darn good!    So many times we allow fear to dictate our actions and we end up missing out. As I walk into a new season I am terrified. S...

   Yesterday my pastor spoke a LIT message on offense. What he said really spoke to me as I walk through a situation in which I've been deeply offended. Just that morning I put on my "angst" playlist and angrily belted out lyrics as I was on my way to church and I had literally told God, "Just today and then I promise I'll get over it." I've been saying that to God for about three weeks now.     It's funny how we know not to do something or how to act in a situation yet we sit there and say, "God, five more minutes and I promise I'll stop!" God is not an alarm clock that we can keep snoozing.      Zechariah 3:7 "This is what the Lord of Heaven's Armies says: If you follow my ways and carefully serve me, then you will be given authority over my Temple and its courtyards. I will let you walk among these others standing here."     What happens when you hit snooze? You sleep longer. What happens when you sleep longer? The day ...

  So, you've been hurt and  it's not fun, trust me, I know. These past couple of weeks I have been going back and forth and up and down with everything trying to understand how to move past being hurt. Well, it's time to deal with the damage.   "Staying hurt or offended is a choice... just like moving forward is a choice..." -Alberto Bello    So how do I deal with the damage?        I let it go.    Yes I am VERY aware how much easier said than done that is but the reality is, I can not move forward if I am looking back.    Mark 12:30-31 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these."        Love God. Love people.    People will hurt you. People will fail you. People will do you wrong and everything in you will scream "hate t...

    Hebrews 10:32-36 "Think back on those early days when you first learned about Christ. Remember how you remained faithful even though it meant terrible suffering. Sometimes you were exposed to public ridicule and were beaten, and sometimes you helped others who were suffering the same things. You suffered along with those who were thrown into jail, and when all you owned was taken from you, you accepted it with joy. You knew there were better things waiting for you that will last forever. So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that he has promised."   "Patient endurance is what you need now..." I've heard patience and I've heard endurance but patient endurance is a whole different ball game. I can endure being single, I've done it before I'm pretty positive I can do it again, but...

  I have an issue with today's "single empowerment". Being empowered and strong-willed while being single isn't a bad thing, but the issue I have with the "single empowerment" is when empowerment turns to spite. I have been very guilty of being spitefully single in different moments of my life. What is spitefully single? It looks different for so many people. "All *insert gender here* suck/treat you bad/can't commit/etc." "I'm single because all *insert gender here* can't love me because my last significant other didn't." Don't get me wrong, it's amazing you know your own self-worth but when you begin to walk through this amazing, yes I said amazing, season of singleness with spite towards the opposite gender you will grow a bitter heart. Bitterness WILL hold you back.    Ephesians 4:31-32  "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassion...

  As I walk through different seasons in my life and learn new lessons I like to bring my readers along with me. I am in a very interesting season in my life: the season of singleness. Yes, I am single. Holla at yo girl.. just kidding. This is the first post of the Single Series. If you are walking through this season with me then read on, if you have already conquered this season please feel free to give any advice to all of us struggling out here.   I think I have finally come to terms with being in this season. Why was it so hard for me? The thought of being "alone" made the thought of being in this season unbearable.      Stop thinking that it is bad to be alone.  I noticed this interesting pattern in my life: the second I put people before Christ I ended up in a season where turning to Christ was my only option. I think I have finally realized that it is my best season! Christ should always be our first response to our everyday life and if He isn't our...

  Matthew 14:25-31 "About three o'clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on water. When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, 'It's a ghost!' But Jesus spoke to them at once. "Do not be afraid,' he said. 'Take courage. I am here!' Then Peter called to him, 'Lord if it's really you, tell them to come to you, walking on the water.' 'Yes, come,' Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water towards Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. 'Save me, Lord!' he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. 'You have so little faith,' Jesus said. 'Why did you doubt me?'    This past summer has felt like the longest summer in my entire life. I have never experienced bitterness, stress, anger, exhaustion, even hatred, as much as I have experienced all of ...

   Ecclesiastes 2:10-11 "Anything I wanted, I would take. I denied myself no pleasure. I even found great pleasure in hard work, a reward for all my labors. But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless-like chasing the wind. There was nothing really worthwhile anywhere."    In this life we are all searching for meaning and purpose, we live in a culture of filling our hearts with things that can seemingly show the meaning to our life. We search in people and in things to fill whatever void that is in our hearts. We take this job, date this person, drive this car while we live in this home but work in this city, all in hopes to find a satisfaction and purpose. Unless you are turning to Christ, your search for purpose will end up unsatisfactory. You will never be at peace in life if you continue to turn to the world for a sense of security. Mark 8:36 "And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own sou...

  Before I get into the core of this blog I'd like to share my heart and view point on a few of the spiritual gifts. As a Christian I believe visions, prophecy, and speaking in tongues, are still true and active today. 1 Samuel 10:6-7 "The Spirit of the Lord will come powerfully upon you, and you will prophesy with them; and you will be changed into a different person. Once these signs are fulfilled, do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you." Acts 2:17-18 "In the last days, God says 'I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days, and they will prophesy.'"    Now I could go deeper into all of this and get all smart and philosophical, but I want to address another topic.    STORY TIME! I want to share a story of my lack of faith because, let's be real, we all h...

  Ezekiel 37:1-6 "The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, 'Son of man, can these bones live?' I said, "Sovereign Lord, you alone know." Then he said to me, 'Prophesy to these bones and say to them, 'Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.'"     If you didn't know, "bones" translates to death. We walk in a situation we've lost hope in and all we see is death and no redemption for us. We think, "God how can I recover?...

  Luke 15:25-32 "Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.' The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitues comes home, you'll kill the fattened calf for him!' 'My son,' the father said,' you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'"   So here is J...

   Today marks one year since I -barely- graduated high school. I look back at those four years and cringe but I also have a sense of joy. Those four years brought me some of my best life long friends and some amazing lessons from some amazing teachers. As many know, I didn't choose the college route, I didn't even take my SATs because I KNEW what I was going to do. I knew what I wanted and went to go get it.   Oh boy, I was so unprepared for the real world. I am very blessed to be so heavily guided and protect in this transition of my life but trust me, it's no easy street. A wise and adorable English teacher once told me, "the only constant thing in life is change." (Norma Walker)   So to the class of 2016, and whomever it may concern: Everything changes.        People move away       Relationships end       Friends drift apart       Environment is different       And... you change. ...

  In your Christian walk have you ever said to someone, "I'm praying for you" but then totally forgot to even mutter their name during your prayer that night? Personally I've done that SO many times and what I've done to work it out is I have created a prayer wall. I have Polaroid pictures of people or things so I remember what I need to be praying for. Every time I am in my room I just turn my head like 45 degrees and there is a wall of people and things I'm praying for. I've really learned this year the power and importance of prayer.   "Christ can not heal what He does not hear." -Alberto Bello    In any relationship communication is vital. How can someone know you are upset that Starbucks didn't give you any extra caramel on your iced caramel macchiato even though you specifically asked for the extra caramel, unless you say something to them. They might see you are upset, but how in the world can they know the reason. You have a relations...

   Isaiah 40:26-31 "Look up into the heavens, Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing. O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles? O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights? Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become tired and weak, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."    I feel like I have been running on empty the past few weeks. I decided to take a "vow of silence"... I think we all know that lasted about fi...

  When I first started my job here in LA I was only getting three hour shifts during the weekdays. I would have about a two hour gap in between work and school in which I would go to Starbucks and order my venti black iced tea, with more sweetener added than there is tea, and my turkey pesto sandwich. Every payday I would go to the mall, pick up some bath bombs from Lush, and grab some Taco Bell. These things made me happy  and I looked forward to them but then my hours picked up and my money got tight. That was when I learned the difference between happiness  and joy .      Habakkuk 3:17-18 "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the field produces no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior."    Joy is having a cheerful heart even when things in life seem to be crumbling apart.  ...

        I've gone back and forth about writing something like this because I am NO relationship expert, or an expert in any category for that matter, but I've noticed an unhealthy mindset in today's world and I hope that we can shift our perspective.     Okay so you're single. It is time to come to terms with that reality. You've been single for an hour to a year. Either way you've already picked out names for your cats and have already tweeted the hashtag '#foreveralone'. I can go on and on about how you are not alone, how you don't need to date now, and so on and so on but today I want to change your perspective on singleness itself. Maybe, just maybe , being single is not the end of the world. Maybe there's actually a sense of joy and productivity  in the season of singleness.    Relationships are HARD work and take time and attention to pour into them, just like any friendship. So you're single, where do you put all this extra time a...

  I feel today's world is filled with an identity crisis. No one knows who they are and "find yourself" has become today's biggest motto and lifestyle. In an attempt to "find ourselves" we seem to throw ourself into the world. This girl or guy can make me feel this way, drinking and drugs distract me from this, my job is my life, and so on and so on. It's like we have to validate who we are as people through all these things in order to feel complete in a sense. How about we begin to find our identity in Christ instead of the world.   Identity:(n) the fact of being who or what a person or thing is.      So who are you?   I'll start. I am a 19 year old cosmetology student living in LA. I'm your host with the most and the short girl that dyed and cut all her hair off.       But I am also so much more than that.    I am a daughter of Christ who was called to LA to be a light to the darkest places. I am a missionary to my industry,...